Parenting your Children as Adults

As many parents will tell you, the job doesn’t end when your children move out of the house. Parenting your children as adults is also important but your role as a parent will change when your children grow older. If you want to maintain a positive relationship with your adult child, it will be important for you to learn about parenting your children as adults.

Family is important and your children remain your family even when they grow into adults themselves. How can you remain close as you grow older and your relationship changes? One important step is to remember that your children want respect as the adults they have grown into. Your attitude toward your child will need to change.

Respect without Dependence

When parenting your children as adults, it’s important to have a relationship of mutual respect without dependence. You likely spent a majority of your parenthood trying to teach your child independence. Now that they are an adult, you want them to give you respect and you also need to show them respect as a grown person.

While your child may still come to you with problems or for advice, they should not depend on your to take care of them anymore. If the adult child has too much dependence on the parents, they will never be able to make it on their own as adults. It’s part of your job as a parent to teach them to be responsible adults.

Living Arrangements

What type of living arrangements exist with your adult child? If your adult child lives in their own home, the relationship will be less strained and will take on more of a friendship than a parent/child relationship as long as good communication exists. If your adult child still lives in your home, different rules will apply.

Your child will feel that they make their own rules and should be free to come and go as they wish since they are grown but you may have your own house rules that you want them to obey. If there are disagreements over the rules, conflict can ensue.

While it’s important for you to respect their individuality and the fact that they are grown now, your child should still respect your rules while living in your home. For example, if you say you do not want them having guests of the opposite sex spending the night, your adult child needs to respect this or discontinue living in your home.

To prevent complications, be sure to set ground rules before they move in (or if they never moved out after teenage years). Sit down and have a mature adult conversation about the rules and what will be expected of them while they are living in your home.

Friends and other Relationships

It’s important that you have a mutual understanding with your adult child to respect one another’s choices in friends and relationships. Unless they ask for your opinion, you shouldn’t tell your adult child who to be friends with or who to not be involved with. You have to trust their opinion as an adult to make their own decisions about what is best for them.

On that same topic, your adult child should not try to tell you who you can be friends with or who you should be in a relationship with. If you choose to discuss your personal relationships with one another, there should be a level of mutual respect and there should be ground rules regarding what shouldn’t be discussed between child and parent.

Tips for Parents

Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to parenting your children as adults:

• Respect your adult child’s privacy
• Respect their own moral and religious beliefs
• Be available but not overbearing
• Don’t give your opinions when they haven’t been requested
• Remain open communication so you both understand how the other feels
• Don’t try to “baby” them or allow them to be dependant on you
• Be supportive in financial situations but don’t help when you feel uncomfortable doing so- you are no longer obligated

These tips and ideas will help you have a good relationship with your own adult child.

Tips For Settling In With Your Newborn

As the parents of a newborn, life has changed drastically. Babies take up most of your day. They require feedings every three to four hours. They require constant attention while they are awake, too. As a new mother or father your job may feel overwhelming but in fact it can be one of the most wondrous times you experience. In order to make sure that your new days as a new parent go well, consider these tips on incorporating your life into your newborns sudden demand for attention.

Developing A Routine

One of the keys to your success as a new parent will be your ability to set up a new routine for your child. A routine allows for everything to get done that needs to within the allotment of limited time you have. A routine is nearly possible at first because your newborn will dictate every minute that you have. Yet, it is still likely you can put in place a few crucial details.

• Go to bed early. Newborns sleep most of the day away, so take advantage of this. You may have to get up three or more times per night but going to bed early will still allow you to have enough sleep.

• Make morning time a time for feedings and small things to do around the home. Don’t expect to do a lot of chores during that first month. Instead, incorporate more time for just doing things in the short amount of time you have.

• In the afternoon, perhaps when the other parent comes home from work, take a break. This is a good time to throw a load of laundry into the wash and relax in a bath. Give yourself a break before the overnight shift starts again.

Breastfeeding Help

At the hospital, your nurses will help you learn techniques for breastfeeding. Take advantage of this help and ask questions. Talk to friends about their experience and learn from their mistakes. If you are finding it difficult to get your baby to nurse, call the hospital and talk to the nurses. Most hospitals have nurses who are able to come out and give you help.

Remember that breastfeeding your baby will take time. Therefore, don’t jump at the first cry baby makes. Instead, get to the restroom first and even get something to drink. Flip on the television or grab a book to read. This way, you aren’t rushed because you are thinking about the million things you could be doing.

A warm cloth or a warm shower will help drastically if you are feeling engorged. You may want to use a heating pad laid over the top of your breasts. This will help you relax and the pain to subside.

Don’t Fret

Over the next few weeks, you will receive advice for plenty of friends and family members. Their advice may be sound, and their intentions good, but really what you use from it is up to you. Don’t feel obligated to do whatever they tell you.

Accepting help from anyone that offers is always a good thing. Do not feel like you have to do this all on your own. It is difficult and it will feel like you are not a good mom if you can’t handle it all. This isn’t true, though. If your neighbor would like to visit and perhaps give baby a bottle, go ahead and let them. This is a good time for you to sneak off for a quick shower, for example.

When it comes to giving out the tasks to those who are looking to help, give them the tasks that take longer to do. For example, if your sister wants to come over and help for the day, asking what she can do for you, give her a larger job. Ask her to handle the vacuuming or even changing the sheets on the bed. The small tasks around the home are all things you likely can do yourself, in between feedings and sleeping.

Being a new mother is hard, but it will get easier. Over time, you may find that by reaching out to others, you can improve the quality of your own time with your child.

Nervous About Discussing Sex Education With Your Child

When it comes to sex education, many parents dread having ‘the talk’ but it’s important that you explain something this important to your child instead of leaving them to find out from other sources. It’s important that children are able to come to their parents about things such as this and that the parent is a stable source for the child to come to.

You’re not alone if the thought of talking to your child about sex makes you uncomfortable. In fact, most parents will admit that this is an uncomfortable topic of discussion for them. However, it’s very important that you get past your discomforts and learn to talk with your child about sex education.

It can be difficult for many parents to know when to have the talk about sex education. As a general rule, you should begin to talk about it when your child begins to ask questions. However, remember that children will ask at different ages and you need to be aware of their maturity level and previous knowledge before divulging more information than they may be ready for at that time.

When you talk with your child, what you say will depend on his age and maturity level and what he is ready to hear at this particular point in his life. Basically, parents should be prepared for having multiple talks with their children about sex education.

Early conversations may just be about the differences in boys and girls and the different body parts. You may talk with a young child about privacy and the importance of keeping private parts to themselves. Talking about the physical mechanics of sex, erections, menstruation and other things at this age will confuse and possibly even frighten a young child.

However, it’s also important to have talks about these things before your child comes of the age to experience them for themselves.

Now that you know when you should have the talk about sex education, how do you go about it? Many parents have difficulty knowing how they are supposed to talk about sex with their children.
The most important thing to remember is to keep it simple and to the point. Remain calm and answer questions openly and honestly. Allow your child to set the pace for the conversation by asking questions which you can provide the answers to. This way, you do not have to divulge more than your child may be willing to hear and understand at this point.

Set Boundaries

As your child grows older, you will need to set healthy boundaries regarding your sex talks. For example, how would you like your child to approach you if and when he or she decides to have sex? Do you encourage your child not to have sex until marriage? Would you help your child with contraceptives or other sexual tools and protection?

What if your young adult child wants to talk with you about certain aspects of their sexual life? Are you comfortable with these types of conversations? Most experts will agree that parents should not discuss recreational sex with a young child or teenager who may get the impression that you are condoning causal sex.

However, what about when your child is older or even when they get married? Are you comfortable with talking about sex then? If not, you need to make sure your child is aware of the boundaries you put in place and what you are and are not comfortable with talking about.

Tips to Remember

Here are some more things for you to remember when it comes to sex education and having “the talk” with your child:

• Use scientific/medical names for body parts instead of pet names or nicknames . For example use the word penis and vagina.

• Be honest when your child asks questions – giving false or made up answers can lead to serious problems with your child later on. It can also create feelings of distrust between you and your child.

• Get informed- if you’re unsure of how certain things work, educate yourself before having the talk with your child. You want to be able to answer questions accurately and honestly.

• Don’t be afraid to use tools- there are now many tools available to help parents when it’s time to have “the talk”. Don’t be afraid to make use of these tools if you need help explaining things to your child.

With these tips in mind, you are better prepared to have the talk with your children when the time comes.